Just Say "No"
As a woman, I feel this overwhelming sensation to please, I’ll take on projects and say yes to favors even after I’ve hit my “limit”. I continue to work, even if I’m not mentally prepared to do anything and my brain feels like mush. You know, that feeling when you literally can’t do anything because your brain is in overdrive and thinking of all of the things you have compiled and added to your “To-Do List”. Well, this article is for the babes who (like me) do this to themselves.
Why is that we have this overwhelming sensation to please? And why is it that, even when we know this is not our job, we still strive for it? To be completely honest, I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know that for myself, I’m a go getter - if there is something that needs doing, I do it.
Peoples Pleasing and Go Getting
In the past month I’ve heard this from a lot women, that if something needs done, they do it. If you think about that, it actually doesn’t sound that bad, it just sounds like that person is responsible or ‘proactive’, which is absolutely great! But what happens when this becomes a fault? When you are so determined and productive, that other’s begin to count and rely on you, your work ethic and skill sets.
When we get into the habit of always overdelivering and exceeding expectations, we run the risk of annihilating our boundaries and driving ourselves insane. This is definitely something that I struggle with personally and I believe that other women are definitely struggling with as well. In today’s society as we fight to prove just how intelligent, determined, and capable women are of holding the same positions as men, we some how end up doing more work while still getting paid less.
Take Care of Yourself First
I believe this creates a fire in women that drives us to push ourselves harder and harder each day, only blurring our boundaries more. When the boundaries are blurred, we can’t provide for ourselves mentally or live our best lives as we should be. For myself, I find when my brain is in overdrive and I become overwhelmed, I lose a little bit of myself. I usually become short, anxious, annoyed, and angry in situations I should not be. So why would I want to continue to do this to myself? I can assume we all want to live the best versions of our lives, so why would we allow our boundaries to become so blurred?
Like I said, I struggle with this, as do many women, and it’s not okay. We as women need to realize we need to give ourselves the time, space, and respect we deserve. We need to say no, and to step back from responsibilities that are not ours.
Communication is Key
I understand that a lot of the times we feel that if we don’t get the work done, then no one else will; and in some circumstances this is true, but in most, it’s not. It’s really just a matter of speaking up and saying no, of setting those boundaries and communicating what is realistic for you as a person. Communication is the key to life, and unsurprisingly, it’s the answer to this problem.
So don’t be afraid to say “no”, don’t be afraid to draw your line in the sand and set your boundaries. We all work so hard and push ourselves to the limits as is, just to be recognized and taken as seriously as men. We want for everyone to like us so we say yes to it all. But the only true way to earning the respect we seek is by respecting ourselves and our boundaries. Know what YOUR job and YOUR duties are, then be selective of what else you take on and what else you have time for. YOU worked to get where YOU are, don’t take on extra work that will only postpone your success or drive you crazy on your way there.
This definitely isn’t easy and will take a lot of practice. And honestly, at this point some of us are conditioned into this behavior and it’s second nature to pick up the slack. But just remember, you and your sanity are way more important! So the next time your plate is full, whether it be with work, school, play, or anything in between and someone drops another project your way or asks for a favor, just say no. It’s okay. It’s okay to stand your ground.
It’s okay to know your worth and then add tax. Trust me! YOU WILL THANK YOURSELF LATER.